Have you ever tried to transcend your ego?
In my case, "transcend" might be a little beyond reachāIād settle for killing it!
I was ready for this week to be uncomfortable because I was going to choose differently.
I wasnāt going to sit at my desk from 8ā6pm just so my ego could feel safe, thinking I was being āproductiveā.
Itās ridiculous, the false stories we make up. Everyone knows you canāt be productive every single day of the week. Even machines need downtime for essential maintenance.
Yet, for some reason, I get caught in the industrial revolution mindset: work harder, be more efficient, innovate, and donāt get left behind.
Seriously, itās exhausting. Iām not a machine, and what exactly am I getting left behind from?
This narrative is the narrative of the ego. The one who lives in a world of scarcity, not abundance. Itās our ego that thinks we canāt afford to take our eye off the ball, or weāll lose.
Lose what exactly?
Significance? Status? External power? Money? Recognition for our amazingness? Validation of our worth?
All the things?
The more Iāve been paying attention to my thoughts, the more I realise how many of them donāt even feel like theyāre truly mine.
I knew this week would be tough, but I imagined it would be like an exorcism of sorts if I made choices that would make my ego uncomfortable. It wasnāt an exorcism, but I did begin to see how sneaky my ego is.
On Monday and Tuesday, I chose not to start the day at my computer. Iāve got plenty of work to do, but in service of accelerating my next ego death, I stayed away from my computer both mornings. Instead, I read.
I returned to my desk in the afternoons and completed a few hours of focused work. I could see how my ego (Nayla) was going nuts.
She was screaming that I was sabotaging myself and my business, that I needed to get things done and stop acting out of character.
By Wednesday morning, the screaming subsided. But hereās where it got interesting.
I heard a little voice saying, āWhy are you wasting your time trying to have a crazy ego death? Youāre giving your power to Nayla. Why donāt you just embrace your creator life and start writing the next book you want to write? At this rate, youāre too distracted thinking you need to have an ego death.ā
So guess what? I ended up at my desk at 8am. But instead of writing, I was responding to my inbox, and I fell into the trap of thinking about all the things I should do in my business.
Iād been duped by Nayla again. She realised screaming wasnāt going to help, so she changed tactics and started offering gentle whispers, encouraging me to write my new book and stop wasting time trying to kill her. It was an attempt to lure me back to my desk.
I should have known it was her. "Stop wasting time" is a classic giveaway of ego talk. Wasting time suggests thereās something to lose. That simply being and existing isnāt enough. That time and existence matter only in the pursuit of achievementš.
According to Nayla, 'being' isnāt allowedāwhat purpose is there in just existing? š¤¦š½āāļø
On Thursday, I went for a walk in the morning. Four hours later, I returned home and lay on the floor for an hour. Nayla was reaching breaking point. Wasnāt I scared? How did I think I could possibly live like this? To have such freedom and choose what I did and didnāt do?
By Friday, I was exhausted. I spent the day at my desk, but I shouldnāt haveāmy body didnāt know what was going on. I didnāt have the energy to do much at all. My nervous system was upgrading, and I was very much in the messy middle.
The day ended with me lying curled up on the couch having a little cry. I had to trust that the discomfort would pass. I trusted that this week of discomfort, and going against my usual way of working, was in service of my future self.
Logically, I know you canāt have a different future if you keep doing the same thing, expecting a different result. But I can see why people avoid this inner transformation workāit can feel brutal to make different choices and feel like youāre sabotaging yourself in the process.
Sabotaging myself is what my ego felt. Nayla is still there (of course she is), but sheās seeing that Iām serious about this upgrade. I can feel the shift in myself.
The fact that Iām writing and sharing this with you is testament to who Iām becoming. Iām embodying the understanding that "othersā judgments donāt define you; they define them as someone who needs to judge."
In other news:
I decided to call my old office my study rather than my creative canvas. While it will still be my creative canvas, it felt too contrived to call it something that didnāt roll off the tongue. "Study" feels more appropriate - after all, I know Iāll be a perennial student of life, so this aligns well.
I was interviewed for an article on negotiation for CA ANZ. I donāt think the interviewer expected my answers to be so deep. So much so, she realised that her last question about three quick tips felt inappropriate, given how contextual negotiation is and the emotional intelligence it requires. It's only an 800 word article and she's interviewing another negotiation consultant from NZ, so it will be interesting to see what makes the cut.
I enrolled a new client, an MD who had read my Negotiation Playbook and wants me to work with her team to develop their emotional intelligence in service of better client negotiations. She also wants help exiting an agreement with a difficult client while maintaining a positive relationship.
The universe is showing me that when I work in alignment with my authentic self, the right people are attracted to my work. Those who value the depth and nuance of my work, and are aligned with creating transformational relationships and outcomes, rather than transactional ones.
This week's reflection:
I feel that life is too short for anything less than meaningful work.
Keep going and keep growing.
Love Glin x
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P.S. Three wins from my week:
1. Energy Shift: On Wednesday I finished reading my first book for the year Oversubscribed by Daniel Priestley which I purchased in July 2023 and only just picked up. I really enjoyed the book but what resonated most was this sentence: "Campaigning isn't just about selling gadgets or getting people lined up at a restaurant. You can use the same tools to move the world in the right direction." A huge yes to this! I read prolifically, and as I looked at my huge collection of unread business books, I realised I had no pull to read another business book just yet. This shift is also about rebalancing my interests to be much broader than just business alone.
2. Date Day: In divine synchronicity, John organised a date to go to the annual used book fair at the Brisbane Convention Centre yesterday. I bought 14 books! Not a single one was business-related, which has been my norm for years!
3. Seeing differently: One of the books I picked up yesterday was The things you can see only when you slow by Haemin Sunim. The first chapter has already moved me to see the world differently. It's something Iāve been aware of, but it landed differently somehow. The essence is that we see the world not as it is, but as we are. Itās our mind that determines the filter we see the world through. Of course, it is - and thatās why it matters who we leave in the driving seat: our ego or our higher self.
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